Picture this, you’re on your 9th TGIF email sign-off of the day, the clock has struck five and you can already taste that first hoppy sip as it passes your lips. The only problem? We’re in the midst of a global pandemic, and you can’t actually get to the pub. Don’t despair though - we’ve created a handy DIY guide to creating your very own British boozer in the comfort of your own front room. From craft beers delivered to your door, to online karaoke sessions and top-notch pub grub on demand. It’s the stuff of Peggy Mitchell dreams...
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Pour yourself a pint
First things first, you need yourself a proper pint (because sometimes Aldi’s booze aisle just won’t cut it). Luckily, London’s best local breweries are delivering the goods - literally. From Anspach & Hobday’s 24 case (which includes their four signature sips; The Porter, The Sour Dry Hop, The Ordinary Bitter and The Sea-Salt and Chilli Stout), to Hammerton Brewery’s quirky craft offering, boasting zesty kicks and peanut-based stouts, each bottle and can is available to order online, turning up at your door as little as 24 hours later. But for the full-blown experience? Head to BrewDog’s website, where all their much-loved IPAs, largers and pale ales are available to buy in packs of up to 48 (for those really big nights in). Better yet, you can live out all your landlord fantasies by getting ALL the merch - we’re talking branded glasses, coasters, drip mats, and yes… even your own lanyard.
Available online as multipacks, this might just be your cheapest round to date.
Order some pub grub
For when those stomach grumbles come-a-calling? You’re gonna need some nosh to soak it all up. The good news is that the pub in your living room is pretty certain to have one of the most diverse menus of all time (thanks to the geniuses at Deliveroo, Uber Eats and tonnes of other independent delivery services). In the mood for something spicy? Get a classic curry night going with a little help from the guys at Masala Wala in Brockley. Alternatively, ditch the supermarket hoarding and instead go big on a 22-inch pizza courtesy of Voodoo Rays - we reckon that’s breakfast, lunch and dinner sorted, with no one around to judge. If you’re wanting to keep things classic, the only option is Peckham’s M. Manze - the OGs on London’s pie scene, the menu here is made up of gravy, liquor, classic pies, creamy mash and jellied eels.
M.Manze is strictly BYOP (bring your own plate).
Test your trivia with a live-streamed pub quiz
So your food and drink are sorted, but a pub isn’t a pub without a slightly balding man bellowing into a microphone and silently judging your total lack of knowledge on... well... anything. Keen that no-one misses out on their weekly dose of organised fun, the team at Big Drop Brewing are hosting a regular live-streamed quiz, complete with their very own quizmaster and some head-scratching questions. Kicking off on YouTube at 7:30pm every Tuesday, all you need is a witty team name and a fresh-out-the-fridge round of drinks to get involved.
No one will even think you're a tool if you wear your sunglasses inside.
Sing like nobody’s watching
Screaming the (wrong) lyrics to Whitney Houston’s greatest hits and embarrassing yourself forevermore? There’s an app for that. Get ready to end any hopes of friendly relations with your neighbours, as you download Lucky Voice’s official karaoke app direct to your phone or tablet. Coming from the same team behind some of London’s swankiest karaoke digs, the virtual alternative to a roaring night out includes all the music and lyrics needed for your very own one-man-show.
Self-distancing does not mean you should preserve your self-dignity.
Dance the night away with your mates (from afar, obvs)
Having impeccable music taste is all well and good, but if there’s no one to appreciate it, the fun just isn’t the same. Luckily some techy fiends have come up with the perfect solution, inventing a Jukebox app that lets you create social playlists that can be played in sync across multiple devices all over the world. Link up your pub nights with friends and family, pulling shapes to the same tunes, all the while working your way up to the inevitable 1am 'coming out of my cage' moment.
Take over the decks in your mates' front rooms, whether they like it or not.
Tuck into a kebab on your way up to your bedroom
And for when you’re ready to hit the sack? The lack of night bus by no means negates your need for a slap-up kebab. Cue BabaBoom, the Islington and Battersea-based restaurant that’s taking the humble char-grilled classic and giving it some serious oomph. Sourcing the finest local ingredients, throwing together a load of fiery flavours, and a whole lotta homemade hummus - these babies will gladly accompany you on the long trek from your living room to your bed.
The post-night out kebab, but not like you've ever seen before...
We've compiled a mega guide to the London restaurants and bars that you can now support by ordering food for delivery. Check it out here.
