You wouldn't know it from the regal landmarks and dreary commuters, but this city has a whole world of carnal antics and raunchy pastimes hidden right under your nose. You just need to know where to look.
Whether you're after some fun hen do activities, fancy attending the capital's sex positive events or want to learn some kinkier facts from the past, check out our X-rated tour of London's most salacious history and modern day locations.
An X-Rated Guide To London
See: A Victorian Chastity Belt
Where: Wellcome Collection, Euston
What's Up: Before the time of clingy drunk friends and granny pants, these cock-blocking tools were all the rage to stop women having sex. Take a look back at the good ol' days of patriarchal supremacy with this iron chastity belt at the Wellcome Collection, made à la mode with floral detailing and a hefty lock.
The Wellcome Collection is home to a chastity belt from bygone eras.
Do: Sip On Tequila In A Sex Shop
Where: La Bodega Negra, Soho
What's Up: This Mexican taqueria and speakeasy is located in the city's most sordid and raunchy area. That is if you can find it. Concealed behind sex shop frontage, La Bodega Negra is serving up potent tequila cocktails, lip-smacking tostadas and sultry interiors, making it a top spot for those of you looking for a great night out.
Take a left after the XXL condoms and blow-up dolls to find La Bodega Negra hidden in Soho.
See: Regal 'Pleasure Palace' Remains
Where: Greenwich Park
What's Up: Nestled within the gorgeous Greenwich Park, this sunken bath is all that remains of Montague House, the former home of Queen Caroline. The notorious estranged wife of King George IV made quite the name for herself, with boisterous sex parties and numerous lovers before she left for Europe in 1814.
This cheeky little relic is a token of the royals' kinky activities in London.
See: Saucy Victorian Love Letters
Where: St Marylebone Parish Church, Marylebone
What's Up: 573 passion-filled letters, a forbidden marriage, a secret Italian elopement... no, this is not the premise of E.L. James' next novel but the real-life love story of poets Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett. Take a trip to St Marylebone Church, the site of their hush-hush nuptials, and read some of the naughty notes for yourself.
Trade in 50 Shades of Grey for some of these spicy passages in Victorian love letters at St Marylebone Parish Church.
See: A Deity's Dong
Where: The Petrie Museum, Bloomsbury
What's Up: Cop a load of the Egyptian god of fertility's todger with a trip to The Petrie Museum, UCL's on-site museum. The impressive item in question is showcased alongside a whopping 80,000 other objects for the culture vultures amongst you. Fun fact: it was also said that he used long-leaf lettuce to stimulate his sex drive.
Believe it or not, The Petrie Museum offers a classic portrayal of the divinity.
See: The World's Longest-Standing Erect Penis
Where: The Viktor Wynd Museum of Curiosities, Hackney
What's Up: Yep, you read that right. The seven-inch mummified remain - the result of air loss to the brain via hanging in the 18th century - stands to attention in The Viktor Wynd Museum of Curiosities (found at the same address as The Last Tuesday Society), amongst a range of other bizarre artefacts.
What's the story morning glory? The Viktor Wynd Museum of Curiosities houses London's most X-rated exhibit.
Discover more X-rated and scandalous stories about London locations.
